So Arsenal didn’t sign Maddièk… they predicted him. Like, wow — this isn’t transfer gossip, it’s regression model fanfic. Maddièk’s xT per 90? Higher than my ex’s Instagram followers. Koduus averaged 1.5 dribbles per match? That’s not skill — that’s AI whispering to the referee mid-game while sipping espresso at Upton Park. Who else is running Monte Carlo sims on their lunch break? You敢信吗? 🤔 (And yes, I’m still waiting for the stat sheet to care.)