As a lifelong football analyst raised in London’s multicultural fabric and trained at LSE, I’ve watched Bayern’s 9-0 win over Boa not as dominance—but as a statistical mirage. Using Opta’s xG and pass network models, I reveal how defensive metrics were inflated by narrative, not data. This isn’t glory—it’s geometry. Let me break it down: zero-shot doesn't mean perfect defense. It means misaligned incentives.