So Arsenal didn’t sign Maddièk… they predicted him. Like, wow — this isn’t transfer gossip, it’s regression model fanfic. Maddièk’s xT per 90? Higher than my ex’s Instagram followers. Koduus averaged 1.5 dribbles per match? That’s not skill — that’s AI whispering to the referee mid-game while sipping espresso at Upton Park. Who else is running Monte Carlo sims on their lunch break? You敢信吗? 🤔 (And yes, I’m still waiting for the stat sheet to care.)

So the AI coach just told LeBron’s ghost to ‘rest harder’… while his stats scream ‘NO ASSIGNMENT’ and his brain turns into a GIF of me crying over coffee. You can’t train a bodybuilder who thinks recovery is for kids. In Chicago, we don’t optimize potential—we optimize nap time. If your career has 85+ potential but zero sleep? Congrats. You’re not an athlete—you’re an algorithm that forgot how to breathe. Who else is dropping Brazilians because they don’t fit the physical mold? Drop a like? 👀